Let Go or No?
by ThatOneExoticPotato
Summary: Juvia loves Gray, but what if its too late for him to return the feelings?


**Note:** This is an one-shot, and I don't own Fairy Tail or anything of it. I'm almost complete with the long chapter on the second chapter of The Choosing. I'm sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes. Juvia's POV. Inspired by ammehanaa's story, Two Lives, One Choice.

 _After all this time, it seems like to me like Straight and Fast is the only way out-but I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but I choose it._

 _\- John Green, Looking for Alaska._

* * *

Depression, such a strange thing isn't it? First you become remotely wanting to shut everyone out, and you feel such pain in you're heart. Then, you want to the pain to stop...but it won't. Finally, you'll succumb into the desire to end the pain...which leads us to the topic...suicide.

I was always the gloomy one ever since people rejected me. I started to become like that and succumb into it. I joined a gang, and put on a emotionless facade. But, it didn't work out in the end.

He lead me to the sunshine, and all the wonderful things I never seen. He made me felt something I never felt before. He was also the one who caused me pain. When he told me to stop chasing after him, I felt my whole world coming down.

I became like how I used to...gloomy and dark. I had finally found someone that lead me out of the gloom yet he put me back there. I felt the pain that was shut down came, creeping back into my heart. I poured my love out for him yet he shut me down every time I declare my love.

I only wanted his love...but it seems like he doesn't feel the same way. I would watch him talk to others, it seems like he geninuely is happy. But, why is it when he is with me, he puts on that cold attitude.

Today is another gloomy day of seeing him there...at the orphan center, Fairy Tail, it was a guild too. My father and mother never wanted me. So, they put me on a doorstep, and the lady, who was old, took care of me. But, she eventually passed away, and I never felt a speck of love again.

Until him. I walk into the doors of the building, and look around with a emotionless face. I didn't want him to see me hurting. I didn't want to let people see, I was always independent, and I didn't want to change that. I didn't want to bother people with my gloominess.

I watched him go towards the bar, where people were crowded around. He told Mira, the bartender to give me a glass of ice water with ice cubes. My existence...what was it for? I had nothing to live for...but him. I love him still, but I didn't want to feel the hurt when I hear him reject me again.

But, I couldn't stay away from him, he was so alluring. With his raven colored hair, and slanted, dark blue eyes. I walked towards him, hoping he would turn around to notice me first, but like every other time, he didn't.

I walked until I got the seat next to him, and sat in it. I stared at him for a couple of moments before I ordered a cup of water. As I was doing that, I could feel him staring at me. I turned around to met his glaze, but all I saw was a frown on his face.

"Gra-" I started to say.

"Don't, Juvia." he said.

"Bu-" I started again.

"I'm tired of hearing you pronounce you're love for me out loud over and over again."

"I understand..." I said, and hopped off the stool.

I wasn't going to say anything about that. I was just trying to start a conversation, I could feel the burning stares of others. I knew what they had in their eyes. Pity, and I hated it so much. I knew I couldn't do a thing about it.

I could fly the tears well up in my eyes, and I willed myself not to cry. Not like this. I couldn't show I was weak. I hated being weak, and not being able to do anything.

I walked out of the building, and wandered around for a while. I was thinking about what good had my existence done to anything.

 _Waste of space. Stupid. Gloomy. You no good for nothing. Why don't you go die? Nobody likes you._ I could feel all those thoughts coming into my head while I stared at the ground. I was bullied when I was with my grandma.

Technically, my foster grandma. The kids I used to go to school with would always point at me, and say I'm gloomy and nobody likes gloomy. I was hurt deeply by that. They said that because I didn't talk to anyone.

I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't know them, and I didn't think they would like me. But, it just proved me right when they said it out loud. I suddenly bumped into someone, and fell on my butt when I was staring at the ground, walking.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, still looking down.

"Juvia?" I heard a fimilar voice say my name.

I look up to see Lyon, silver hair with blue icy eyes staring down at me.

"Lyon?" I repeated.

"What are you doing here Juvia-chan?" he says playfully.

"I was thinking..." I said quietly.

He appears to get the mood I'm in.

"Oh, would you like to talk about it?"

"No."

"Would you go to a cafe with me? I was just going to get some cake for the others in the guild."

"Sure," I said because I really didn't have anything else to do.

"Okay, lets go," he says while grabbing my hand, and pulling me into a cafe.

I look around to see bright yellow, and blue around the cafe. It appears like this cafe is trying to taunt me with happy things when I'm not in that mood. Why? I feel like the world was working against me today.

It was trying to make me worse than I was already feeling. A waitress with a yellow maid costume came up to us, and asked what we would like to order.

"Blueberry cake. What about you Juvia-chan?"

"I'll have just a glass of water."

The waitress took our orders, and went to give them to the cook. Lyon turned to with a serious face on.

"Juvia, what's going on?"

"You know...Gray shut me down before I could say anything."

"What? That bastard."

"I was just trying to talk to him normally..." I trailed off.

"Are you okay?" That question struck a nerve in me.

"Yes," I lied, hoping he couldn't see through me.

"Juvia," he said, giving me a knowing look.

I looked around everywhere else but him.

"I know you're not okay," Lyon said quietly.

"So? Why do you care? You just like me because you find me beautiful," I stated.

"No, but I do think you're beautiful. I care because you're one of friends. I know you don't return my feelings, and you love Gray. Thats why that bastard is so lucky."

"But, he doesn't feel the same way." I said quietly.

"Maybe or maybe not." Lyon replies.

"I have to go," I said quickly.

I ran out the door before he could utter another word. I couldn't have him finding out what I really wanted to do right now. I know he'll try to stop me, and tell me Gray loves me.

But, I know Gray doesn't. I could see it in his eyes, no emotions for me, whatsoever. I don't want this pain anymore. I can't take it anymore. I know its selfish of me to do what I'm about to do, but I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to keep getting hurt over and over again. I ran back to my home, and got inside. I started writing a letter.

* * *

I never meant to hurt Juvia, I just couldn't let her get close to me. I didn't want to be the reason she dies and then I'll experience the pain of losing someone again. I already lost Ultear and Ur.

I couldn't risk losing her too, so, I push her away. It's for the best. I know that she gets hurt over it, but I hope one day, she'll get over me, and move on to get someone good.

Make her happy, and all the other things she derserves. I can't be with her for I am the one who has everyone in my life die. I feel like its all my fault. If it weren't for me, Ur wouldn't get hit by a truck when I was running across the street to get to the ice cream shop.

I wouldn't be the reason Ultear killed herself, and told me it was all my fault. I know its all my fault. I noticed Juvia coming towards me again after going out for a while. I sighed, and waited for her to say something about her love for me or something.

She came up to me quietly, and looked at me with vacant eyes. I immediately knew something was wrong.

"Here, Gray-sama," she said, and gave me a letter.

She ran out after that. I examined the letter she gave me, but it didn't have any hearts on it. So, I opened it, and got out the letter.

 _Dear Gray-sama,_

 _I know I'm a bother to you, and I won't do it anymore, I promise. I know you'll never return my feelings, and so, I'll make it so you won't have to deal with me. I don't want to be a bother to anyone anymore. I know this is selfish, and stupid. But, I want this to stop the pain I feel. I probably won't be here anymore when you read this letter, but I hope you can be happy with someone else. I love you, Gray-sama, it was only and will be only you. I hope the girl that you love could make you happy, and make you smile that smile that only comes around rarely. I wish the best for you._

 _Love,_

 _Juvia._

I stared at the letter in shock, and I ran out the guild doors. I love her, and I can't have her dying because of me.

* * *

I went into a building, and went all the way to the top. I got close to the edge, and looked down. So, this is where it all ends for me. I laugh quietly, and silent tears stream down my face. I love you, Gray-sama.

I stood on the edge, and I saw the city from up high, it was beautiful. But, I can't be here any longer than I have. This pain that clenches my heart each day, it grows more and more each day.

I close my eyes.

And fall.

* * *

No, no, no. This can't be happening. Juvia can't die. I find her falling when I searched the city everywhere. I try to run to her, but there was too much people walking around. I pushed through, and tried to get to her before she got to the ground.

I heard a thud, and turned to the source. I finally got to her, but she was there.

On the ground. Blood seeped through her blue locks, and she bled through her mouth. I clasped her face with my hands, and I shook her.

No, no, no, please, don't let this be true.

"Juvia, wake up, please."

"I'm sorry, please, I love you."

I shook her more and more. But, it was no use.

Because she was gone.

And I couldn't do anything about it except my heart shattering.

* * *

This is all! I hope you enjoyed it.

-ImAKawaiiPotato


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